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Coping with Grief over Christmas

Polly Smith

What do you think of when you hear the word "Christmas"? Frantic shopping?
Family traditions?

From November onwards, it is impossible to forget that Christmas is coming.
Coloured lights decorate many town centres and shops, along with shiny decorations, and artificial snow painted on shop windows.

But, for many, Christmas is a time of the year when people remember only too well
who is missing and the loss of a loved one can be felt the strongest.

Whether the loss is recent or whether it occurred many years ago, constant reminders, sights and sounds often trigger memories of holidays past. Christmas involves expectations about getting together with family, about special meals or special gifts, and special traditions. The holiday season brings a renewed sense of these dreadful feelings of grief.

North Kirklees bereavement counsellor, Polly Smith, who is based at Eric F Box Funeral Directors in Dewsbury and has helped hundreds of people through a bereavement said: “Christmas can be very daunting for a bereaved person, especially if it is the first year that they are without a loved one for the holiday period.

“I always advise people to plan Christmas Day like a military operation. It is often the case that the thought of what to come and the build up is worse than the actual day itself and if you concentrate on the plan, the day will pass much more easily.

“ I have put together a few points that have helped a number of people survive a very difficult time.”

1. Plan the Day, what to eat, what to do - the day will be easier to face if you are concentrating on the plan and not the day itself.
2. Never be put under pressure by well meaning families. Tell your family what you are planning and don’t be pressured into doing something you don’t want to do.
3. If you feel like spending the day alone with the phone off the hook – do it! Tell your friends and family not to worry, but make it clear that you are handling it your way.
4. It is an achievement in itself to face Christmas, without having to socialise and be in other people’s company, especially if you have lost a partner.
5. Remember, Christmas Day is only 24 hours or 1440 minutes. The shops open again on Boxing Day, so hit the shops!

Polly is also the founder of North Kirklees bereavement support group START (Support for Today And Reassurance for Tomorrow). It runs specialist courses and provides a safe and caring environment where people can express and share their emotions and pain. They are open to absolutely anyone in North Kirklees who is struggling to come to terms with their bereavement and are totally voluntary and free of charge.

Eric F. Box is a long established, independent, family owned and managed business, dedicated to the principles, values and benefits of the traditional funeral. It offers funeral and after care services such as bereavement counselling and has a satellite office in Ossett town centre in Wakefield.