Press Releases
A Friend In Need, Needs a Friend Indeed!
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Polly
Smith
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Relatives, friends
and neighbours are often supportive at the time of a death and during
the wake and funeral. However, after the funeral, many grieving
people wonder what happened to their friends.
Leading bereavement
counsellor at Eric F Box Funeral Directors in Dewsbury, Polly Smith
has a lifetime of experience in the field and has devised 12 top
tips on helping someone you know through a bereavement.
She said: “One
of the hardest things to cope with is seeing your friend upset.
As a result many people try and avoid the subject and say things
like ‘ He wouldn’t have wanted to see you crying’.
“In reality,
most people who are suffering a bereavement want to talk about their
loved one and need their friends as a support network.
“With
this in mind I have outlined what I see as the essential elements
in helping a friend, neighbour or colleague through a difficult
time.”
1. Acknowledge
the bereaved person's loss. Never ignore the death of someone in
the life of a relative, friend, neighbour or colleague. It only
adds further distress.
2. Be a good listener – take the initiative and broach the
subject first. Your friend will want to talk about their loved one.
Going over and over what happened is a normal part of bereavement.
3. Avoid saying 'I know how you feel', or talking about your own
bereavements. Even if you have experienced a similar loss, at the
moment it is their loss and feelings which are important to them
4. Don’t assume anything. Ask them what they would like you
to do, but don’t treat them like an invalid.
5. If they need time on their own, give them that space. Nobody
knows how to grieve, each death is as individual as a birth so make
sure you are there as a safety net.
6. Be patient and understanding and encourage them to be patient
with themselves.
7. Reassure your friend that they are still capable of carrying
out everyday tasks like shopping, but be there if they need you.
A death often brings practical problems and people may be grateful
for help, but it is usually best to ask first.
8. Be open to ideas. If your friend feels they need counselling
or expert help, help them to find it.
9. A letter can let the bereaved person know in a few words that
you are sad about their loss and are thinking of them. If you knew
the person who has died you could share a memory of them or mention
the qualities they had that you valued. It is thoughtful to add
'This letter does not need answering'.
10. Keep in Contact - the effects of losing someone close are usually
felt for several months, often years. Bereaved people appreciate
being remembered or included at birthdays and celebrations. Anniversaries
often reawaken grief, and support at these times can be helpful.
11. Never assume that the bereaved person should have got over their
loss by a certain time. Grieving nearly always takes longer than
people expect.
12. A good friend is one who is close enough without asking, but
knows to keep their distance when necessary.
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